adoption, Uncategorized

Welcome Elliana Jayne — Part 1

On Tuesday, May 02, 2017 while at work, I looked down to see my phone buzzing with Courtney Lott flashing across the screen.  My heart began to pound vigorously.  A call from Courtney from Faithful Adoption Consultants usually meant news….whether good or hard, or anything in between.  This call changed our lives in so many many ways.

On Monday, May 01, 2017 I sat across from Brandon at dinner and told him I didn’t know if we could continue on with adoption.  We did not have any profile currently being shown to any mamas and the situations we were currently being presented with were too much financially for us to commit too. My heart was broken and confused with what the past couple of years had thrown our way.  My birthday was Wednesday and I let Brandon know I was in no mood to celebrate or be celebrated.  “Just cancel my birthday this year,” I told him.  I am not sure my heart has ever hurt like it did on that Monday night.  I wept for God to change something, to show up in a way only He could.

Buzzing on the counter in front of me, I watched my phone light up with Courtney’s name over and over again until I gathered the courage to answer it.  Did we say {no} to too many cases?  Was our financial limit too low to ever be matched?  What heart wrenching reason was Courtney calling?  (Not that heart wrenching news is her specialty, but in the adoption world….there are hard things.)  I slid my finger across the phone and with a shaky voice said “Hey Courtney.”  She asked how I was and then paused and said, “you and Brandon have been matched with a birth mom that is giving birth in Utah.”

With about a 90% certainty, I am sure my heart stopped for a brief second.  How?  Was she sure it was us matched?  I had gone through my email the morning before and we didn’t have any “active” profiles out, or so I thought.  As Courtney talked I frantically searched through my email for a Utah case with Mama C’s name.  I found it.  One of the first situations we had received after our failed match about a month before.  My heart was pounding so hard that I was actually having a hard time hearing everything Courtney was telling me.  What I did catch was the overall cost, $43,500+ and that around half was due pretty much immediately—$23,646!

If you caught what I asked in my ahead above, you may be wondering how this was in our financial scope.  It wasn’t.  I told Courtney I would call Brandon and talk it over with him and give her an answer as soon as possible.  As the phone rang for Brandon, I was going over in my head all the ways this was impossible.  Brandon agreed that outside of a miracle there was no way we could move forward with this match.  We still owed $13,000+ for our failed match and were sitting with nearly no funds left, not that amount any way!  Brandon told me he would see what he could do but there was likely no way for us to leave our yes on the table for this baby.

I wept.  Right there in front of everyone that could see, I wept.  Not the hushed little tears but the gushing, hiccuping type tears that are uncontrollable.  Why would God throw this in my face?  I mean I just had my full on melt down the night before, why was God being so cruel to taunt me with this situation?  Once gathered enough to breathe and not sound like a dragon, I called Courtney back.  I let her know that financially we just could not make this happen.  There was no way.  She sweetly said some other words; I was too distraught to remember them.  I got off the phone with Courtney and immediately texted Brandon, “I told Courtney no. I told her we can’t move forward with our yes.”

For the first time during this adoption process, my faith was rocked and it crumbled.

Brandon took no time at all to call after receiving that text from me.  All he could say is why? Why would you say no already?  Why didn’t you at least see if we could make this happen?  I mumbled back to him some doubts and fears and lots of anger I am sure.  He gently responded that he was not ready to say no just yet.  He let me know he was calling Courtney back to ask for a little bit of time to try and figure something out before we HAD to say no.  I am not sure how that conversation went if I am completely honest, but we were given time.  Not much, but time.

Let me just say, upfront, I learned that God does not work under our time constraints.  He is not controlled by our deadlines.

At 10am, only hours after my phone rang with a call from Courtney, we posted  Urgency Is Our Game .   We informed those that had been following and supporting our journey of the situation we were in.  In there, we stated we needed to raised $22,500 in 24 hours.  As I typed, I rolled my eyes.  Yeah right.  There is no way this is getting “pulled off”.  Yeah my faith was still crumbled on the floor and I did not sound much like I believed in a God of miracles inside my head.

8 hours into that post — $2,200.  11 hours — $13,700.  24 hours — $14,865.  We didn’t meet the amount needed in 24 hours but with the help of Courtney and the kindness of Heart and Soul Adoptions, we were granted more time to come up with the remaining $5,135 that we needed to be able to send them all $23,000+!  I know, a lot of numbers, but man what a testimony of God’s faithfulness through my doubt, so I have to share!!!

On my birthday, the day I wanted nothing to do with, we officially matched with Mama C and that sweet, sweet little girl she was carrying.  Our Elliana Jayne.  Tears stream even now as I think about that.  God in every little detail.  He took what was sorrowful and brought it out of the ashes and made it beyond beautiful.  We were officially matched, again.  In less than 24 hours we saw this beautiful community rally around us and raise $18,900 for us to be able to put our final yes on the table.  Short of the goal? Yes.  But….one week after receiving that phone call that changed our lives forever, we had raised $25,922.  Above and beyond the goal.  But God.  He brought together family, friends, and strangers to bring home our sweet Elliana Jayne.  What amazing grace.

In humility I sat before God ashamed of my faithlessness, but so in awe and thankful for His faithfulness.  We serve a mighty God that does not give up on us even when we give up and our faith is in shambles all around us.  I am so glad he saw fit for this soon to be mama (He already knew that), that had faith that faltered, as enough for Elliana Jayne.  There is not praise enough for that mercy.


Part 2 coming soon–The other half of the fees (miracles have to be shared!), getting to Utah and beyond.

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